Touchy subject! This is an issue that not a lot of women like to talk about because we really don't ever want to admit that we are jealous. Being jealous sounds petty, selfish and so "below us." However, I do think that people are a lot more jealous than we think! And I think it is quite normal, and okay for us to admit that we struggle with it.
Before I go further, let me give the dictionary's definition of the word:
Jealous | 1. | feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often fol. by of): He was jealous of his rich brother. |
| 2. | feeling resentment because of another's success, advantage, etc. (often fol. by of): He was jealous of his brother's wealth. |
| 3. | characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues. |
| 4. | inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband. |
| 5. | solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something: The American people are jealous of their freedom. |
Back when I was doing wedding trials I witnessed a lot jealousy. Sadly, I mostly saw it in the bridesmaids who's atmosphere rang "why the heck am I a bridesmaid for this girl?" I saw some jealous bridesmaids, which probably came off to the bride as being irresponsible and inattentive. This caused a lot of uncomfortable tension on the morning of the wedding day... it was very awkward! The only times I saw unconditional love and support were either from sisters or true best friend bridesmaids. It's easy to tell who is geniunely happy for the bride. Being overly observant made me pick up some of these negative vibes and wonder where it could be coming from?
I'm sure there are a lot of reasons of why women can be jealous of each other, particularly when it comes to weddings. There could be missing links that I didn't catch like a bad history, lots of drama and broken friendships. Some reasons I can think of are:
- that they are putting a lot of work into someone else's day and they don't think they deserve it
- the difficulty of being happy for someone other than themself (I'm being very blunt, but it could be true!)
- they want the attention for themself
- they are constant "givers" who are annoyed and fed up with never receiving on the other end
- they are witnessing a "better" wedding or marriage than their own
- they are comparing their own self/marriage/wedding/level of happiness with others
I admit that when I go to other people's weddings, a part of me notices details that I wish I had done in my own wedding. I remember saying one thing out loud about wedding flowers to one of my married friends, and she said sternly "No.... Don't do that." She knew what I was on and I immediately nodded & understood. If I always did that, I would wind up being very unhappy and ungrateful for my own wedding! I worked very hard for my wedding and I did what I could in my own time & budget. I honestly hope to work on my own jealousy and learn to accept my wedding day as it was, without regret. Plus being jealous takes away from celebrating someone else's special day-- a day that
they worked very hard for! I remember that it was so important to me that our guests have a good time at our wedding, so I would want to have a good time for
their wedding and not be bogged down with my negative thoughts. It's different attending weddings as a married woman because your wedding already happened--- But as for singles, they can always jot down ideas and save them for future use. The hope for creating a beautiful and succesful wedding is still possible so they aren't as judgemental.
Again, I have to remember that the most important part of getting married is the
marriage and not how lavish and perfect the wedding day is. Your wedding day is 1 day, but your marriage is the rest of your life! A person could have a $200k wedding and have it end in divorce, but a couple could get married at City Hall and have the most romantic marriage that will stand the test of time.
Not to downplay the importance of wedding days, since I really did care a whole lot about it! But I think it's good to accept your jealousy, and to try dealing with it in a healthy way. I feel truly honored and blessed to have had sacrificial bridesmaids and I would DEFINITELY want to be 100% happy and supportive for them on their wedding day. Just take it one step at a time -- I loved my hair, I loved my dress, I loved my makeup....and I have to remind myself how lucky I was to have certain things exactly the way I wanted it!
Have you dealt with jealousy issues or witnessed them around you? How do you deal with it?
Post a Comment